cant sleep

ive come to the realization on why my section hasnt been as good. on monday, my best friend, Andrew Ulang, my fellow section leader, had to drop adv choir. this really hurt me. i felt all alone then. it was suppose to be OUR YEAR! we were suppose to fight everyday in class and always be together. now we cant do this. yes we have afterschool and shit, but its not the same. we cant make the same jokes and shit. i just miss him alot. so i noticed ever since he left, my section has been getting gradually worse. now i dont blame it. cuz thats not his fault. but i think when he left, he took my ability to lead my section. he balanced me out so well, and it made me a better leader. now im all alone. and im scared im letting everyone down. i miss him so much, i need him. its not just wanting him to be in my class again. i NEED him there. he's my drug. i know that sounds corny but its true. he was my rock that i needed to perform well. i know i just gotta get over it, but shit its so hard. i might just have to be super bitch forever, cuz if im not im too soft and thats not right. i wasnt like this til i lost andrew. i feel so weak without him. i've let him down. i've let down my section. i've let down my choir. i've let down shane-o. it sucks to be that person. i dont wanna be the reason we're bad. i dont like having this burden on my shoulders. i feel like im carying for myself and andrew. i just need my balance back.

chamber auditions

BBD AND IF MADE CHAMBER!! omg great day =] now i have thursdays to look forward too with 3 of my best friends. fucking kim could be there too but her ass had to go and move to cupertino =[ so im gonna start being a bitch in choir now. i've realized these girls think they can take advantage of me. they are DEAD WRONG. just wait til tmo i will rip them a new one. im done with them not trying and just talking and shit. no more nice keli. they took advantage of her and they're not getting her back for a while. a least until they improve. so sopranos of yyall read this, beware. cuz im coming full force bitches!

knowing you, knowing me

CHAMBER AUDITIONS TODAY!! yay im happy =] i hope i get in again. i wore my chamber sweater as a plead to be put back in! haha and i hope mia and hamed get in too!! that would be the most fun afterschool ever. then we're going to dinner after at chili's! yeeee. overall it should be a good day. AND MIA MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO TO DINNER! WOOOO =D

surfer body

TA class again. bored as usual. texting Mia as always. love my IF =] cant wait to dance next period. go jewish song!

Sex on the Beach

i get a call yesterday from Kim asking if i wanted to go to a concert that thats. i said ill ask my dad, but i wasnt sure. so i asked him and he surprisingly said yes. so i told kim and she said, "REALLY?!" haha i know i didnt think i could go either. so she picks me up and we go get joanna. i love her im glad we got to hang out. after that we went to nina's house to get my ticket. she was sick so i bought the ticker from her. then we went to go pick up chase. after that we drove out to the city. we got there and passed where the concert one and ran into amy,jamie, and sam. they saved us spots in line so we werent in the way back =] we were hungry so we went to eat at what we thought was denny's, but it was really danny's haha. then we went and got in line. once we got in, we ran to the front. we got pretty good spots. the first band to come out was the morning lights. they were pretty mellow, but i liked them. next was the secret handshake. they were awe some. techno rock it was hella cool. next was phantom planet. they were hella cool too. they sing the OC theme song.CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAA. finally we got to the main event. i'd never heard anything from rocket summer, but i was still excited. allll the girls were going crazy over the lead singer, bryce. so thats when the pushing began. it was that bad, but enough to make me lose my group for a hot minute. after the concert my legs were so sore from standing for hella days and from straining to not move while being pushed haha. after the concert, we went to pick up cente from his house and went to a hookah bar. i had sex on the beach with joanna =] hahaha it was yummy. so was the berry guava one kim and chase had. it was fun. got home around 2. woke up at 7 this morning =/ ewww. i have a monster bruise on my ar, from where KIM BIT ME!! and she says shes not abusive. but all in all it was a great night. im so glad i went.

TA-ing is easy

im currently in campbells class for my TA. theres nothing to do =/ i finished all my homework(for once!!! wow) so now i have nothing to do. its my birthday tmo =] im hoping hamed mia andrew and kim can come over for dinner. it would make my birthday the best ever. im really excited. im gonna wear my birthday girl crown and hopefully i'll have balloons to carry around all day. some people think its a burden to carry them around, but i think its fun cuz then everyone knows its your birthday. so people you dont even know will yell "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" i think thats the best. so im rambling just to pass time. 30 more minutes in here. then i get to go to choir =] my brother is finally in that class. ima pick on him! hahaha. well everyone is going to. most kids would hate to have their younger siblings in their classes. im excited. i get to look out for him more and stuff. i dont know. its just my thoughts. oh well im gonna read now. it might be hard cuz campbells reading out loud. grapes of wrath. i never read it as a junior. guess i get to read it now haha. okay BYEEEE

Poem

so my mom had to write a poem about me in my world lit class for back to school night tonight. and this is what she wrote

Keli
spirited, trusting, loving, controlling
relative of parents wholove her to pieces, a brother who IDOLIZES her and a cat who thinks she is the only human
lover of being treated with respect, past, and friends
who feels the need to be accepted, the need to be loved, the need to be treated fairly
who fears losing friends, not being accepted for who she is, and disappointing her parents
who gives her time to her family and frineds, gives her love, and gives her advice
who would like to see her family and friends healthy and happy
resident of anything and anybody in Logan choir. oh and myspace
McHugh

this is what my mom thinks of me. i think its pretty accurate. i know theres a hidden message in there, but i choose not to address it, because it still makes me uncomfortable to talk about it with her. i know she says she accepts me for who i am, and wants me to help her understand, but i just dont know how. i dont know how to explain WHO i am. its not WHAT i am, its just me. how do you explain yourself to your mother, who is suppose to know you. she created you. maybe in time i can explain who i am, but right now i have other things to focus on. i hope she can understand this

goodbye fake camping, hella bufu land

im back from camping! that was such a great weekend. full of fun and unforgetable memories. lets start on thursday

THURSDAY 9/4
- Kim and Chase come pick me up from my house cuz i spent the night at Kim's. she had never been camping so i helped her with her packing and stuff. we get to her house and then jay comes, with a scary movie in hand. i was like oh shit, its 10 and we're gonna watch a scary movie. i hate scary movies. they scare me HAHA. anyway we pop in the movie and its all about zombies. about 10 minutes into the movie someone knocks at the door. i was like "is that the zombies?" and kim goes, "n0 its the fridge" and i said "the fridge knocks??" anyway it ended up being tony. when we finished with the movie, Kim decided to call people to freak them out about zombies. and it work on like half of them haha. that was pretty funny. anyway kim then called her neighbor and she came over, and brought a huge sword! (to fit the zombies with) haha. the boys left around 130 ish. so then it was just the girls.

FRIDAY 9/5
- We went upstairs to help Kim pack. i was tired cuz i had school that day so i'd been up for almost 24 hours straight. after we packed up kims stuff, we sat in her room and talked. Jen put on kungfu panda, but it kept skipping so we turned it off. then we decided we should prolly sleep, seeing it was 230. but Kim decided she wanted to watch gossip girl, so we stayed up for another hour and a half. i was laying on the bed, since im not into gossip girl. but when they were done i heard a final "OMG!!!" from the peanut gallery, so i knew it was over. then Kim jumped on me to make sure i was awake. i was. then she got a brilliant idea." Lets stay up all night and go to breakfast hella early in the morning!" well we agreed, only cuz we were both wide awake. so we turned the light on and started looking at old yearbooks and checking our stuff online. then we decided to only sleep for an hour, but it ended up turning into 3 1/2. we woke up to the alarm at 817, but didnt get out of bed til 9. my parents were coming at 1030 ish. so we showered and got all our stuff together, then went to a liqour store to get some energy drinks and stoges. we got vanillas =] mmmm my favorite! so we get back home and drink our rockstars and watch MADE, then go out for a stoge, then my parents finally got there. we get in the truck and drive to whereever we went. stopped for lunch, where we found the bathrooms said MAMA BEAR and PAPA BEAR. haha (inside joke) so we drive somemore and we finally get there. we unpack and go straight to the lagoon. me and kim we exhausted, so we agreed not to swim, which didnt happened. we sat in our chairs in the water for a while, then we swam out to the waterfall thing. then we built a sandcastle, then we played chicken by standing on the chairs and pushing eachother off. when we got back to the tent, it was blazing hot, but we were so tired, we took a nap. we woke up for dinner, then we started playing thinking games. it was so funny, cuz no one understood them for the longest time. then my brother started acting like he was on drugs and laughed at everything and anything he could. then he started speaking whale. then he thought asparagus started with an H! we didnt stop laughing for the longest time. then we explored the campsite. it was hella scary cuz it was so dark, but we took a flashlight so it made it somewhat better. when we came back we checked our phones, cuz we made a pact to turn them off all day and check them only at night and when we woke up. then we went into the tent and listened to music and fell asleep. Day 1 of fake camping comleted.

SATURDAY 9/6
- we got woken up by my niece. she hella attacked us. i looked at my phone, and it was 8 O'CLOCK! ahh thats so early! so we lay in bed for a while, then get up to eat. we ate muffins and hot chocolate. mmm yummy. so then we get dressed and wash up and drive to the store. we got lost o the way up and saw a coyote. that was cool. we get to the store finally and get our stuff. when we get back, we sit out and do NOTHING! haha. finally we get dressed in our bathsuits and drive over to the boats. we were gonna go on the innertube =] Kim was scared but we made her go anyway. so we got on the boat and went out to the water. the first people to go on the ineertube were me my mom and kim. kim was scared out of her mind, and really didnt wanna go. but once we started, she was having the time of her life! we were hella bounging and almost came out of our seats. it was so fun we went again. this time it was me kim and my brother. we went full throttle! and we were going so fast we almost all came our of our seats. we had confessions in the boat incase we didnt come back out alive hahaha. then we just swam around in the water. i had to make sure kim didnt drown haha. shes not the best swimmer. then we were dead tired, but we went the the swimming lagoon anyway. this time we really did just sit in our chairs. then we showered and took a nap outside. kim kicked me awake then we left to go eat. i introduced her to carne asada. best dinner ever! after that we chilled then made smores. i introduced kim to that too. then we did another walk around the campsite. we found where to KKK have their meetings haha. they listen to a radio and repeat what it says. it was pretty creepy. when we came back we stayed outside for a little while then went in the tent. we listenend to music and looked at old pictures. prom! and musical and stuff. then my mom yelled at us cuz we were "too loud" i personally didnt think we were, but whatever. we fell asleep not too long after that.

SUNDAY 9/7
we woke up because of my neice again. she liked to do that haha. it was 815, so we got more sleep then the night before. we were both super sore because of the innertube ride. we checked our phones then went to the bathroom. when we came back we started packing up. then i realzied i couldnt find my phone. we looked all over, and still nothing. so we packed up all our stuff, and headed out. ill never know if my phone is still there. we started driving, and it was really uncomfortable cuz we were all sore and now scrunched up. we couldnt get comfortable. we stopeed to get some food, and before we knew it we were home. we dropped Kim off at home, and then came home and unpacked. my cousins were here when we got home, so i couldnt sleep cuz they were loud. i showered, unpacked, and layed on my bed in the airconditioning. i missed that. i did some homework then fell asleep. im still sore, and still tired.

im so happy i went this weekend. ill prolly be sore tmo during school, and i have no phone, but those are just minor things that went wrong. walking around singing songs from musical and choir, having people look at us like we're crazy, screaming our heads off in the water, laughing for no reason, and just doing nothing, makes for a great weekend. im glad i got to bring my best friend with me. since she's going to start moving into her new apartment tmo, it was great to have 4 fun-filled days with her. cant wait til she comes camping with me again in july haha right kim? =]

frustrated

i thought i was pretty understanding of the whole schedule mix-up that happens every year at my school, during the first week. its now the second week of school and they have failed to change mine. they had ALL last week, plus a 3 day weekend. i need an ethnic study to graduate. and they havent given me one yet. im in a class that i passed already last year, and im in the wrong choir class. it is MANDATORY that i get my choir class switched, since im SECTION LEADER! its not like i can just become an alto. i NEED to be with the sopranos. but they just dont seem to think its that big a deal. well it is. if its not fixed by tmo, my father is going to come in and tell them to fix my schedule, and while he's at it, get my brother's fixed too. this is SERIOUS bullshit. they bring it on themselves too. Logan needs some serious help. RUE! (haha mia =])