Poem i worte in 6th grade i think.. =]

IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE WORLD


If I were in charge of the world
I’d cancel broccoli,
Sunday evenings,
Cough syrup, and also
Marissa Thompson.



If I were in charge of the world,
There’d be better lunch food,
Nicer lockers, and
Shoes that are bigger.



If I were in charge of the world,
You wouldn’t have teasing.
You wouldn’t have racism.
You wouldn’t have hurricanes.
Or “ Don’t text so much.”
You wouldn’t even have limited texting.



If I were in charge of the world,
A vanilla sundae with extra cherries and syrup
would be a healthy choice
All joy riding would be legal
And a person who sometimes forgot to do homework,
And sometimes forgot to not bite their nails,
Would still be allowed to be
In charge of the world

spring break

spring break sucks! the whole purpose is to be on break, not to be working myself even harder than i do during school. i can't even go out and enjoy myself after i work all day. she wouldn't let me out tonight with my cousins. MY COUSINS! i wanted to see hannah montana =[ i was suppose to go out with chea tmo. i was finally gonna meet the bf! but sadly, that won't happen either. i was sooo looking forward to it. the only time i could go out this week, and it was stolen from me. stupid highschool meeting whatever. at least me and her are cool again. i missed having her to text all day. thursday i'm going to go see all the show people at ihop and bring them food to eat on the bus. ima miss them while their gone =[ do well in anaheim! well, i'm gonna end this cause i don't feel like talking about the other thing bothering me. so BYEEE

I really don't know how to feel. I want to just give up, and say that i don't care. But I do care. ALOT. I really didn't think it would happen this way. I thought with time we would fade, but in the future. I can't handle losing everyone at once. First my dad doesn't want me, now you guys are ignoring me? Why did you have to do that? Why did you leave in my most desperate time? I mean, my whole world is turning upside down, and you choose now to leave. I'm not gonna lie, I think what you're doing is wrong. Saying we'll talk in person, but then just ignore me when i come in the room. You have to at least communicate with me. You can't cut me out of everything. If you don't wanna be friends, fine. I'll stop my goodmorning texts, I'll find somewhere else to hang at lunch, I won't bug you for advice or guidance, I won't be hurt when I'm not included in stuff. I'll still be here for you if you need me, but I'm not gonna think i have someone to talk to if i really don't. Only 6 more weeks, then you won't have to deal with me anymore if that's what you want. ANd if you do read this, you can't say i'm over reacting cause you don't know how i'm feeling right now. I feel hurt that you guys couldn't talk to me saying that i was changing or being too clingy. You know i would've changed if you woulda told me, but you chose to say nothing and just slowly drift. So i have no problem if you get mad at this, cause i'm mad too. I'm not gonna make you talk to me, or hound you til you tell me what's wrong. I just hope we can solve it. And if not, it was fun while it lasted yeah?

"Queef" Cup

So for the past few Sundays, me and kim have gone to Border's to study. And yes, we actually do study. I got to her house around 4 today. We went to Q-cup and got food and drinks. After that we went to Hobby Town and saw my brother. Then we went to Border's and studied for about 2 hours. then we went back to her house so she could use the internet, but we ended up cleaning her car. I also fixed the crap she broke. She was amazed at my driving skills haha. We cleaned the inside of Keanu really well. Then my mom got paranoid and wanted me home, so we came home. I'm gonna star in her drunk driving video. I'm glad that we get this special time to chill just us two. I miss her during the week I don't get to see her.

so i feel like i have no one to talk to. the only person i can really talk to every minute of the day is Mia. she's the only one who has made herself accessible to me all the time. everyone else keeps things from me, or they just don't talk to me so i don't know anything. i feel like the only person who will appreciate my good news is Mia. everyone else just listens cause they feel they have to. i just feel so alone. why is everyone cutting me out now? especially at the time i need everyone most. i hate this. whatever tho. if they wanna talk to me, they will. i'm not gonna force anything

Revise

well i guess the first paragraph doesn't fit in my last blog anymore. <-- that is actually not true. it does still fit, just in a different way. everything i said is true. i was just talking about one specific thing, but now that i think about it, it still applies to her. and she knows it. she better read this and feel damn special =]

My Soldier

When you're feeling sad and low, don't you know that I will always,
Be here for you.
When everything just makes us go out of our minds, just know that I will always,
Have the time for you.
You say that I am your influence. You should know that you inspire me.
Now until the end.
I'll help you get through the thick and thin and I know you'll remember when.
I say.

CHORUS
You are strong, strong as a soldier. Even when winds are tough you'll always keep it together. You are strong, strong as a soldier. I know you'll get through anything. 'Cause you're strong, strong, strong as a soldier.

VERSE
When the waves are crashing down. Can't get up. Just know I'll,
Pick you up from the ground.
When it feels like everything goes wrong, just remember to listen to this song.

CHORUS
You are strong, strong as a soldier. Even when winds are tough you'll always keep it together. You are strong, strong as a soldier. I know you'll get through anything. 'Cause you're strong, strong, strong as a soldier.

BRIDGE
Don't you worry about the obstacles to your happiness. If you let them get to you, you'll endure just like the rest. I know your'e better than those people who get in the way. Just remember what I always say.

CHORUS
You are strong, strong as a soldier. Even when winds are tough you'll always keep it together. You are strong, strong as a soldier. I know you'll get through anything. 'Cause you're strong, strong, strong as a soldier. You are are strong, strong, strong as a soldier. Strong, strong, strong as a soldier.

This song truly fits right now. You don't seem to realize how strong you really are. You are my soldier. i always go to you when i'm really upset and need someone to help me. You know exactly what to say to make me feel better. Just read these words and it really does fit. I really am proud of you. I NEVER say that, you know i only give out compliments when needed. I just want you to know, that i will always be here for you. Thick and thin, near or far, I'm gonna be here. I love you. Foreal.

This song also fits for me. 11:34 am. Really horrible time for me. My mom sen me a text saying we have to go to the hospital to see my grandpa. He isn't going to be around much longer. Tonight he will be sedated and sent home with nurses from Hospis. They help you transition from life to death. This was so hard for me. To make it through school without falling apart. To go see him and be calm and just talk to him normally. He was hallucinating the whole time, and then he would just look at you and smile. He was talking about maggots, and his secret identity, and making weird noises. All we could do was laugh. When it was time to leave, I went to kiss him, and he just pet my face, and told me he loved me. He told my brother to take care of me and my mom. I held it together through all of that. I still haven't cried. I don't want anyone to see me cry. I'm going to take a shower with the radio really loud, and just cry. I need it. Cry about everything. For everyone. Just cry. I love you grandpa. You will alaywas be here for me. My musical, spring concert, and graduation are all for you. I hope i make you proud.

No one uses this

no one ever uses blogger, so i feel safe blogging here. Things have been really weird lately. I feel like I'm slipping from you. You never tell me things. Your hanging out with other people, and not doing well in school. Your starting to get addicted to shoplifting. I dont approve what you're doing with your life. You say you wanna go to college. A 4 year college at that. But what are you really doing to get there? You don't go to class. And when you do, you don't really try. I want to help you, but you don't want my help. I don't like how your treating Shane-o. You use her. And dont even try to deny it, because everyone can see. You assume she'll just let you cut. You take advantage of your "TA" period. And next year you say your gonna TA during jazz just so you can double lunch. Do you know you can get her in trouble if you get caught? Are you willing to jeapordize that? You can get her in trouble if they find out you're cutting in her office. I want to help you, but you're so far gone from me. I hope you read this and you change. I want the old you back. I miss you

update

i havent blogged in a loooooooooooong time! so im just updating. school is blah. this week is finals week. i wont be able to do them on time cuz im getting surgery tmo. i have to get my gall bladder out. it kinda sucks. im really hoping that my friends can come visit me afterwards. i know i always get my hopes up and it never happens. so im not getting my hopes up this time. and maybe ill be so drugged i wont care if they dont come. but i still want them to come. choir is going good. 2nd period is ahead of 6th by 2 songs. that makes me feel really good. chamber is kicking ass in sanctus. i got asked today who i want to win: chamber or adv? and i said chamber. i think they deserve it more. we performed really well at concert, and i cant say the same for adv. so i think chamber really does deserve to get 1st, but adv deserves to get gold as well. i love both of my choirs, and its really hard to choose between them. but if you look at it from an outsiders opinion, chamber is definitely the better choice. so thats my life as of right now. im sure ill be blogging more when im home doing nothing