I love Julianne

being section leader is a really really stressful job. although lots of my friends try and help me, no one understand the true pressures and what im going through except julianne. she was my section leader, so she knows what im feeling. we had a good talk about everything im feeling and she made me feel better about it. i dont feel so alone anymore. she made me understand its normal that i feel like this, and better about the things im not confident in. i just love choir and the sopranos so much, i hurt when we dont do well. i want the best for everyone, and its my responsibility to make you the best.

on a similar note: just because i say i feel alone, doesnt mean i dont apprciate you. i know you try hard, and i can tell. but you just arent confident enough to really stand out. i love you and i appriciate everything you do. just be confident and stop hiding, and ill notice you more. YOU know who you are. i love you and your awesome. just know that kay?

Prop 8

so the topic of prop 8 has been coming up in alot of my classes. alot of ignorant people are like " oh yeah vote yes on prop 8. gay marriage is stupid. its against my religion.. blah blah fucking blah" WHY DOES RELIGION MATTER?! marriage should not be about religion. its a bond between two people who love each other and want to commit their lives to one another. God or whatever religion you believe in has nothing to do with it. it shouldnt even be a factor. why do gay people have less rights? was not all men created equal? does it not say that in the decloration of independence? i dont feel very independent or equal since i dont have the right to get married. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES WHO ARE VOTING YES. just because you dont believe in it doesnt mean you have to take our rights away. your hella shady for that. you people on the streets yelling NO HOMO are fucking idiots. homosexuality is not going to stop just because we cant get married. i hate this. im so fucking annoyed right now.

today was horrible

today was orolly the worse day out of all my highschool years. and its really no lie. it all started in second period. we got super yelled at. she told me i had the wrost soprano section of all her days. she said thay we are insane, and we still dont know the basics. we either sing wrong vowels and correct notes. or right vowels and flat notes. i felt my heart get stabbed as she said this. i couldnt look anyone in the eye, in fear i would just burt into tears. luckily jamie was level-headed enough to think of a plan. i was so mad and hurt i angrily numbered off the sopranos and split them into groups like jamie said. i just listened to them, and my hopes went away. i realized some didnt care, some were super lost, some know but arent correct, and the only ones who really know what their doing are 1st sops. im alone. then they didnt know how to be staccato, so we got hella yelled at for that. finally shane-o had to resort to making them sing alone. my heart dropped. now we're gonna be even further behind 6th period. after class i couldnt think of anything but one word: FAILURE. people were trying to cheer me up, but i couldnt even smile. even hamed, who makes me laugh all the time couldnt do it. when chea hugged me and asked what was wrong, my eyes filled with tears and i couldnt talk. i couldnt go to 3rd cuz i woulda just broke down, so me and hamed cut. we went to the pool, and i helped him with his songs. when we came back i went to 4th and felt a little better. i was able to pretend i was okay. lunch was great as usual. then the last 2 periods were just blahh. after school was whatever. hung out with mia alyssa hamed andrew and melody. they made me forget about everything. then i went home and was whatever. ohhhh and afterschool hamed kicked my toe and made it bleed. now i have to get surgery. and my dad wants to invite CSM over for dinner!!!! what is this?!?! so that was my day. soprano sectional on wednesday. kim is coming to yell at them. should be entertaining

Saw movies

So its 2:39 am and I'm still awake. I went to Mia's house tonight instead of homecoming. It was hella fun. Mix taught me how to play unfaithful on the piano. we ate soooo much food. we picked up pizza and bought green tea. then we came home, at more food and watched saw. kim came over right in time to watch the movie, so we all watched together, scared. i had to leave right before the movie ended, but i'd already seen it, so i wasnt trippin. i got home and went online and talked with megan for hours!! we talked til she signed off about 20 minutes ago. i like her, she's my new friend =] so tmo i decided im gonna finish my drivers ed. i want to drive!! i hope my parents will let me drive alone even though i'll only have my permit. anyways, its late and i should prolly sleep. goodnight world, see you tmo =]

Goosebumps

I'm currently watching Goosebumps with Mia right now. It's become our tradition. Lights off and talk on AIM while watching it. I love her. So even thought nothing poitive happened in my classes today, I feel like i had a good day. I failed my vocab quiz in english, failed my quiz in physio, and got yelled at in chamber, but I'm not upset. I still had a good day. Tomorrow is gonna be great. Senior color is black. We're all meeting in the big green so we can march in together. it's gonna be hella fun. Then Homecoming game tomorrow night. Megan and Kim will be there yay! I dont know if I'm going to the dance anymore. It depends on who goes. All in all, this was a good week. I love spirit week. I'm gonna finish watching goosebumps now. It's hella scary tonight. Killer dolls!!!!

Distance brings us closer?

So is the saying distance only brings us closer really true? i think it is. it hurts, alot, but i think it only makes us closer. i've been experincing this with a few people latley. it hurts so much to see them slowly slipping away from me, but i wonder, is this for the better? i dont wanna lose them, so do i let them go? one of my expericenes, i feel like they were just forgetting me, simply not wanting me to be around. the other, i felt left out, like they dont need me to be there for them, and they are perfectly content talking about their problems with other people. but i think i fixed things, for now. i feel like im closer to these people now that we experienced space. it sucked, like so much for me. i was hurt and imcomplete without them. but now, i think we're good. but who knows. i always think these things and get bit in the butt. but im hoping that everything is good with us.

this goes to all my best friends:
i do need you in my life. i cant imagine my life without you guys. you make me who i am. i love you all, and i need you. dont leave me okay?

just because

i havent blogged in a while, and i just felt like writing. so choir basically runs my life, with a bit of school throw in there. being section leader is way tougher then i ever imagined. i dont get how everyone else was so amazing at it! i feel like im doing a horrible job, and not living up to the standards left for me to meet. Victoria was so funny and made us all feel comfortable when she was section leader. Julianne was just one of us, and would get on our asses if we were being horrible. i feel like im neither. they treat me like they treat each other, bad. i feel like i've been caste aside and theres nothing i can do about it. they dont even respect me enough to let me know they wont be there afterschool. even when i TELL THEM to let me know. i just feel like a failure in choir.

school is blah. my day is pretty boring. i have TA 1st period. i moslty text mia in that class. next i have choir, which i already descried. 3rd i have english. i have a 89.3! so clase to an A! then i have intro to stat. that class is pretty fun. therese makes me laugh. then i have lunch. thats a nonstop laugh fest. 6th period in APS. hansen can be a jerk, but its okay. i have a C+ =/ its only going up tho. then 7th i have honors phyio. that class will be the one that kills me. im doing okay right now. i have a C- right now. im really trying in that class, so im proud of my grade. and again, its only going up. but thats my life as of now. hope you enjoyyyyy