cant sleep

ive come to the realization on why my section hasnt been as good. on monday, my best friend, Andrew Ulang, my fellow section leader, had to drop adv choir. this really hurt me. i felt all alone then. it was suppose to be OUR YEAR! we were suppose to fight everyday in class and always be together. now we cant do this. yes we have afterschool and shit, but its not the same. we cant make the same jokes and shit. i just miss him alot. so i noticed ever since he left, my section has been getting gradually worse. now i dont blame it. cuz thats not his fault. but i think when he left, he took my ability to lead my section. he balanced me out so well, and it made me a better leader. now im all alone. and im scared im letting everyone down. i miss him so much, i need him. its not just wanting him to be in my class again. i NEED him there. he's my drug. i know that sounds corny but its true. he was my rock that i needed to perform well. i know i just gotta get over it, but shit its so hard. i might just have to be super bitch forever, cuz if im not im too soft and thats not right. i wasnt like this til i lost andrew. i feel so weak without him. i've let him down. i've let down my section. i've let down my choir. i've let down shane-o. it sucks to be that person. i dont wanna be the reason we're bad. i dont like having this burden on my shoulders. i feel like im carying for myself and andrew. i just need my balance back.